Thursday 1 August 2024
Slept 10 hours!!! Trying to get back the sleep I didn't get the other night, but I was so exhausted, from overthinking and crying and trying to let go and surrender my feelings for Stephen. I have to move on, may the LORD be merciful to me and let me move past this just as I have moved past my other exes. It's just silly because we only have a business relationship, yet I must have taken it different because of my desire. Ah well, poor me... but this is not GOD's will for me to suffer self pity. I am still recovering from my pain, it's good, this pain is good because I want this pain to put an end to my sillyness. Even though GOD says it's a healthy attraction, it's no longer healthy when I am crying because of the one time he raised his voice and the time at night he replied to my text. I felt secure that he was always there for me. And here I am still talking about it, what has happened to me why have I become so pathetic??? But GOD will not abandon my soul, even though this soul is wasting away, GOD will not abandon my soul.
Scriptures
Psalm 16
English Standard Version
You Will Not Abandon My Soul
A Miktam[a] of David.
1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”
3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.[b]
4 The sorrows of those who run after[c] another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.[d]
8 I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being[e] rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.[f]
11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
ObservationThe prayers of David are so right, my soul agrees with him so much, except for the prayers he had of his enemies. But his need for GOD and my need for GOD is so much alike. But I am not always like David, and I need to do this for myself: To set the LORD always before me, meaning to always look to HIM and focus on HIM because HE is always beside me, holding my hand but sometimes, I am looking at other things, I know I have not set my eyes on HIM because my heart and mind is wasting away looking at Stephen, looking at my parents, looking at people who failed me. Everyone fails but GOD never fails. I have been shaken by what I have been seeing, but if I Look intently upon my GOD, I will not shake or fear!
ApplicationIf I fix my eyes on GOD my Savior, I know that I will always be glad, my whole being will always rejoice, even my flesh or soul will feel secure. I remember those watchman nights, where I was the most energized and hyped, excited and happy, rejoicing in HIS presence because I was always in HIM, I was always in HIS presence. But last night as I worshipped GOD, crying from all my stupidity, I felt so far from HIM, I want to enter in YOUR presence LORD, let me in, but I felt like HE also feels hurt with me because I have made HIM jealous when I look to people for security. When HE should be my only security.
PrayersDear GOD Almighty!Have mercy on me O GOD, for I have become so insecure and pathetic in the place where YOU have planted me, I have become so wasted!!! This is not where I should be! I want YOU to bring me from this place to another, to experience YOUR joy and presence. I want YOU to elevate my soul, it is wasting away in sadness and pain. O GOD Almighty, I will wait on YOU, I will wait on YOU, to take me from this place of depression to a place of joy and gladness. I will wait on YOU O GOD. Set my feet on solid ground, the ground of JESUS my firm foundation, the rock I can always depend on, stand on, rely on. I ask YOU GOD, take me away, take me away, when are YOU coming??? When are you coming for me???? Revive me, bring me back to life coz I have died... I have died... I need YOU KING JESUS. I cling to YOU O GOD, I hold on to YOU For YOU are so loving towards me, YOU love me so much, YOU are so merciful to me, YOUR grace it abounds on me daily, let me see YOU once again, I want to be with YOU always, walking forever in YOUR Presence. Thank YOU for always answering my prayers, thank YOU for always hearing my cries, thank YOU for always caring for me, please GOD I want to see YOU, more and more, as YOU have shown YOURSELF to me in Thailand, that YOU are telling me to wait, help me to wait on YOU O GOD. YOU are my strength, my joy, my salvation, my life, in YOU I have life, only in YOU. Thank YOU for the good health of my family and my dogs, please take care of everything I care about, please send me a new dog carer who can replace Lando for a while, please I pray for Ysobelle that she will be a reliable accountant and friend. Please I pray for Letty and Gilbert, heal them of their sickness and extend their lives. Please GOD I pray for everything concerning me I pray that YOU perfect everything concerning me. Please GOD have YOU way always in my heart and mind. YOU deserve all of me, I am so sorry for loving someone more than YOU. Forgive me O GOD, do not punish me but get me out of this mess that I am in. Carry me once again and protect my heart, let it be YOURS alone. I am afraid O GOD, I am afraid of problems and troubles, BUT GOD YOU are the ONE who solves all my problems, YOU YOU YOU!!!! Only YOU, who solved my problems, YOU alone also can satisfy the deepest longings of my heart. YOU YOU YOU. Please GOD be glorified in my life, and everyone around me.
In the Name of JESUS I pray Amen!
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