Thursday 25 July 2024

Event:
2nd day of Conference


Here and Now:
Trying to figure out how to escape from my family... I don't want to do the foundation because I only see future problems and no benefit. I was so sad last night because I realized the one I love doesn't love me...and I have to accept that and heal from all the pain


SOAP

Scriptures:

Song of Songs 3

English Standard Version

The Bride's Dream

1 On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves;    I sought him, but found him not. 2 I will rise now and go about the city,    in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves.    I sought him, but found him not. 3 The watchmen found me    as they went about in the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?”4 Scarcely had I passed them    when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go    until I had brought him into my mother's house,    and into the chamber of her who conceived me. 5 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,    by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love    until it pleases.
Hebrews 2

13 And again,

“I will put my trust in him.”



Observation
How can I stop myself from feeling pain? From being hurt?? The WORD it says Do not awaken love until it desires, GOD has awakened this love within me that has become such pain so that I prayed last night for GOD to remove it if it was not HIS will for me to be Stephen's wife... All I cared about was to get married to the man who loves me but no one loved me, and even in my family there's so much pain coming from that place...Today I can set myself free from pain, not by not caring because I will always care for my family but by just getting out of the way


Application
I will put my trust in HIM. In spite of the pain I will put my trust in HIM. I will not try to escape but I will put my trust in HIM. I will continue praying, and enduring for GOD to heal me and put a rest to all my pain... but I will hope in the LORD my GOD My Strength... HE will rescue me one day and give me beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair... I know MY GOD will give me joy and rest one day... I know HE will come through for me because HE cares for me so much, HE loves me so deeply that HE died for me. HE will rescue me, and bring me joy and peace... HE is the ONE whom my soul loves!


Prayers
Dear AVI,
O GREAT I AM, whose love for me is unfailing and deep, KING JESUS my Savior and Lover of my Soul, YOU have always been the greatest love of my life, forgive me for loving someone else that he is taking over your place in my heart. Forgive me for this idolatry and this pain that I feel now is revealing the pain YOU feel the jealousy YOU feel towards me. Forgive me O GOD and take care of me, I will embark on a new journey because I need to die to myself once again. Please release me from loving someone more than I love YOU. Release me from the pain and forgive me for hurting YOU. I need YOU and love YOU, please don't turn away from me, and heal all the brokeness that I feel inside. Release me from all this pain and help me to recover O GOD. I give myself to YOU continue to love me O GOD continue to be patient with me, release me from this love, this despair of needing to be loved by another human man when only YOUR love is perfect and complete. I continue to pray that YOU heal all my wounds, heal my mother and father, heal Stephen too O GOD and release me from all this care and pain. Heal me O GOD and let me live for YOU alone. I need YOU KING JESUS! 

In the Name of JESUS Amen!



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